Democrats Take Emergency Measures to Battle Deadly Heat

Warning!!!, EXTREME HEAT ADVISORY, It's going to be really, really hot today. The National Weather Service says temperatures could reach about the same levels they do every year around this time. In response to this extreme "Weather Crisis", President Obama and congressional Democrats have vowed to take bold steps to protect Americans...who vote for Democrats. Temperatures in some parts of the country are expected to exceed 100 degrees, but according to the new, "super-secret heat index", developed by former Vice President Al Gore, it will feel like it's 700-800 degrees. House minority leader Nancy Pelosi said she has heard rumors of some people "just spontaneously bursting into flames". All of the leaders of the Democratic party agree that this heat wave is a lingering result of the Bush Tax Cuts. Speaking from a Washington country club, just prior to teeing off, President Obama said, "As you know, I inherited this weather and reversing it has been an even bigger challenge than we expected. This is just one of the things that happens when you allow people to keep too much of the money they earn." The President then said he was calling on congress to send him legislation that would confiscate the air conditioners of millionaires and billionaires, who make over $ 250 thousand a year; along with anyone else who has a job. "As President, I can't just sit back and allow corporate jet owners and hedge fund managers to keep sipping their Slurpees and relaxing in the cool indoors , while seniors, babies, pregnant mothers, cancer patients, illegal immigrants, and other potential Democratic voters sweat like pigs in this heat. It's just not fair." Even former President Bill Clinton joined the effort to relieve the devastating effects of the soaring temperatures. Speaking to a group of college coeds at Brown University, Clinton urged the young women to be proactive in battling the heat, while working to conserve energy. "Turn your thermostats up to 80 and shed some of those excess clothes. When I was a kid in Arkansas, during the summer, we would wear nothing but thin white tee shirts, then pour pitchers of ice water over each others heads. You have no idea how refreshing that is. In fact, I have couple of tee shirts right here, if I can get some volunteers." Senate majority leader Harry Reid said he plans to introduce a bill that would appropriate $500 billion to provide Gatorade, snow cones, and slip-n-slides to America's most vulnerable...Democrats. "We believe that refreshing snacks and backyard water toys are a basic human right." Reid added that additional "weather stimulus" could be necessary in the winter; as the Democrats are expecting some cold weather, especially up north.