You're Killin' Me!

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Redd Foxx

Eggs are more dangerous than smoking. Popcorn causes Alzheimer's. Hepatitis C kills more baby boomers than anyone else. Distracted driving is on the rise. And, in case you haven't heard; THERE'S AN OBESITY EPIDEMIC!!!! How did any of us make it past the second grade? Medical researchers, politicians, industries with profit motives, and most of all, the media; are trying to scare the shit out of us. From a lot of your actions and reactions, it appears they've been pretty damn successful. I'm a baby boomer; which, as far as I can tell, makes me a member of the most screwed generation in history. We get blamed for everything, we have to pay for everything, and we're the unhealthiest generation in world history. Of course, that's only if you believe everything that you hear, read, or see on TV; and I don't. Amazingly, this attitude has gotten me labeled as somewhat of an eccentric, conspiracy theorist, skeptical crank; even by some of my best friends and family members (my wife). Well, Jimmy Crack Corn and I don't care! Today's world is much safer than it has been at any time in history, and getting safer by the day. You may wander how I can say that despite the constant barrage of health, safety, and security warnings. Do I just think I'm smarter than everyone else in the world? No, just the vast majority of you. The thing is, you really don't have to be that smart to see through all the bullshit. You just have to stop assuming that a bunch of people you've never met are really concerned about you and looking out for your best interests. But, you may be wandering, why would medical researchers, doctors, lie about matters of health? They may not be lying in every case. I'm sure a lot of them truly believe what they say, and in many cases, there is probably some truth in their claims. Obviously, being fat is not as healthy as being the ideal weight, smoking is bad for your health, you can get diseases from mosquitoes, and ingesting too much of some chemicals can kill you. However, medical research is paid for with grant money. There are private grants, but the overwhelming majority of grant money is public, a.k.a. taxpayer money; which the government is very generous with because it doesn't belong to them. Let's say, you apply for and are awarded a big pile of cash to study whether or not people living in Madison, Wisconsin are more overweight and unhealthier than people from other regions of the country. You use the money, complete your study, and report that the people of Madison are just as healthy, maybe more so, and their weights are perfectly in line with the averages in the rest of the country. How much money do you think you're getting next year? Good news isn't alarming, it doesn't trigger government grants. Doctors and researchers write books too. Go check out the health section at Barnes and Noble and see how many selections celebrate the fact that only half as many people die from heart disease as did thirty years ago. Nobody's buying that! Tragedy sells, dread sells, suffering sells; nobody cares about good news unless it pertains to them. When a car salesman tells you all the bad things about the cheaper models, and raves about the virtues of the more expensive car, most people see through that; the guy's just trying to make a buck. We don't trust people as much when they stand to profit from what they're telling us...unless they're doctors, scientists, or reporters. Evidently, these groups aren't driven by selfish interests like the rest of us. Most people, myself included, would agree that being extremely overweight can cause serious health problems; heart disease and diabetes in particular. According to the Center for Disease Control, in 1980, 412 out of every 100,000 people died each year from heart disease, in 2000, it was 257 people, and in 2010, it was 178. In 1995, 23 out of 100,000 died from diabetes, in 2010, it was 20. The same CDC tells us we have an obesity epidemic, that it's harming the economy, education, national security, and the overall health care system; and almost no one questions it. If obesity is so much worse than it has been throughout history; why are there so many fewer deaths from the diseases that it causes? I have some startling news for a lot of you; you're all going to die. I don't know when, but I'm pretty sure it's going to happen at some point, no matter how many Cokes, cheeseburgers, and deserts you don't eat. You people need to stop worrying about dying and start living a little; and stop torturing your kids by denying them things that I know damn well you enjoyed as a kid, and probably still do when no one's looking. Popcorn causes Alzheimer's? My ass it does! Besides, if I get it, I won't know. Eggs are more dangerous than smoking? Are they more dangerous than smoking crack? Because I have to assume that's what those researchers were doing. I just read where the CDC is getting ready to recommend that all baby boomers get tested yearly for hepatitis C, because our age group dies from it more than any other age group. How often is that? Well about .0003% of baby boomers die from Hep. C every year; less than one, one thousandth of one percent. How much would that test add to national health care costs, to find out if we have a disease that, if rounding numbers, affects 0% of Americans. Distracted driving is the latest plague to threaten humanity; according to the experts at least. Several states have passed laws restricting or banning the use of phones and other electronic devices while driving. Many other states are considering similar laws, and everyone I talk to thinks this is a good idea. Teen drivers, of course, are in the most danger from distracted driving. I would assume that a lot more teens are dying behind the wheel today, than 20 or 30 years ago, when cell phones were pretty much non-existent. I'd be wrong. In 1980 42 out of every 100,000 teens ages 15-19 died from car crashes; in 2010, it was 15 of 100,000. In 2000, I'd never heard of anyone texting and 16 of every 100,000 Americans died in car crashes. in 2010 almost everyone I know was texting and 11 out of 100,000 died in car crashes. I think texting while driving is a bad idea and cell phones can be a distraction. But, they're not making driving more dangerous; if they were, a lot more people would be dying. I can't explain it, but the numbers don't lie. Why are we encouraging government to pass more laws to solve problems that we're solving just fine on our own? Because making something illegal always eliminates the problem, right? It all boils down to whether you would rather think for yourself or trust everything in your life to other people, who may or may not be smarter than you, or may or may not give a rat's ass about you? Call me a nut if you want, but I trust myself to look at all the information and decide what's best. If I'm wrong, at least I know who to blame. I wonder if people in third world countries, who hear about all the epidemics and plagues that threaten America, think to themselves "What a bunch of spoiled, whiny, paranoid, chickenshit little twits." ? I think that all the time!