Dude, Where's Obama's Car?

The President like to compare our country to a car that, in his opinion, the Republicans drove into a ditch. His story is that he and the Democrats have worked really hard to push this car out of the ditch and now; it's a little banged up, but it's back on the road. This seems to be Obama's favorite analogy. Yesterday, he said that the Republicans are trying to get the keys back but, "You can't have the keys because you don't know how to drive." That's not a bad line; it's getting a little old, but it's not bad. However, there are a few facts about this infamous car that the president has conveniently left out of the story. He's correct in saying that George W. Bush was the Republican who drove into the ditch. But, it seems to have skipped his mind that most of the passengers, including himself, were Democrats. Not only that, while Bush was trying to drive, they were partying it up, passing beers and joints from the back seat up to W. Obama hasn't told us much about this car, but it was pretty nice before they sneaked the keys out of dad's pants while he was sleeping. It was the fastest, most luxurious, high performance automobile in the world; loaded with all the latest gadgets and technological innovations. But, before going off road, these delinquents ran short of cash and started stripping off and selling the gadgets to pay for booze, crack, and hookers. Then, one night they left the car unattended while they were in the liquor store and a bunch of Muslims busted out the windows and tail lights. After driving into the ditch, Bush's turn at driving was over and Obama talked all of his drunk friends into letting him drive. As this con was going on, several bystanders were outside screaming not to let this guy drive. He'd never driven anything, having taken public transportation all his life. But, Obama told the alcoholic, crackhead, losers that all they needed was hope and a change of direction and, being stoned, they gave him the keys. As we mentioned, the car was in the ditch and needed a tow, but Obama had another plan. Instead of turning back toward the street and getting towed out, he turned the wheels downward and stepped on the gas, burying the vehicle to the axles. As the passengers began to sober up, they got mad and started telling Obama what an idiot he was for making a bad situation worse. The President, however, wasn't phased by the anger at his decision making. Rather than altering his course, he began verbally assaulting and even sodomizing his critics. To make matters worse, he made friends with the Muslims that had vandalized the car, excusing their acts by blaming former driver George Bush for angering them. He said he never even liked the car to begin with, that it was to flashy and fancier than the crappy foreign cars his friends drove. As I write these words, Obama is attempting to completely dismantle the car and redistribute it's parts to other drivers. But, if we're lucky, a special police force called the Tea Party will arrive to end his reign of terror and throw his sorry, DUI butt in prison; or at least remove him from the car. Then, hopefully, law and order can be restored.