Government Porkers

In light of New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg's large Coke ban being thrown out by the courts last week, I thought it would be interesting to take a look at just how successful previous government policies have been in rescuing our fat asses from an early death. The answer is that, like everything our government attempts, they suck at weight loss! Are you surprised? Me neither. If we look at just the last decade, the results are laughable; and this is according to the government themselves. I don't trust this data for a second, but according to the CDC, from 2000-2008, childhood obesity rates increased for every single age group. This, despite the fact that federal and state officials, such as Republican President George W. Bush and Texas Governor Rick Perry signed laws mandating what parents can and can't feed their kids. That's right, they told us what to feed our kids and our kids got fatter! On the positive side, I guess this gave an economic boost to the makers of plus size children's clothing. The beauty of this is, even though they have the power to manipulate the data or just flat out lie; their own research shows these policies to be a complete failure. So, if you're the newly elected president or the mayor of the biggest city in the country, how do you reverse the failed policies of your predecessors? Obviously, you just implement bigger, stronger versions of the exact same policies. It's ironic that, while our elected leaders continually find newer, better ways to suck at everything they do; they never even attempt the one thing they could be great at. We should easily be the biggest producers of pork in the history of the universe.